Why it Can Actually Hurt Their College Application
It was summer vacation.
Every single day, Leila did four hours of SAT practice.
She was only a rising sophomore. In October she would take the PSAT.
And nearly every time she took a practice test, she got a perfect score.
I told her father, “She doesn’t need to practice this much. She’s going to burn out before she even gets to the real SAT.”
He replied, “Can you ever be too prepared? Isn’t this what it takes to get a perfect score?”
I wanted to explain to him that I wouldn’t recommend any kid study that much for the SAT, even if they were far off from their target score.
But I understood where Leila’s parents were coming from.
They had her enrolled in a very rigorous high school.
They knew that many of her classmates were working just as hard as she was.
Even with straight A’s, they worried she wasn’t doing enough to stand out, and feared she didn’t have a serious plan for what to do with her life.
So they took an approach plenty of parents take:
College at all costs.
They figured, if we push her to be the best in all the traditional arenas, her future will be secure.
And while sometimes this approach can work, it’s really not the guarantee parents think it is.
In fact, it often backfires in at least 3 ways:
1.) Kids wind up underdeveloped in the key character traits colleges want
Teenagers who are overly focused on traditional achievement often lack space for self-reflection and community. Come senior year, they may struggle to demonstrate the deeper level of self-knowledge and social engagement admissions officers look for. (Checking a box is not enough.)
2.) They adopt unsustainable habits that eventually lead to burnout
High-achieving kids may seem like they can handle everything you throw at them, but at what cost? Often they’re quietly anxious, losing sleep, pulling all nighters, and working harder than they need to. By the time they get to college, they may be due for a meltdown.
3.) Kids miss out on what truly makes them one-of-a-kind
What makes a kid remarkable has more to do with who they are inside than outward achievements. Believe it or not, colleges know that. And when a kid’s self-worth is overly tied up in external validation or impossible expectations, they’re less likely to have the confidence they need to become their best selves.
Here’s what I know for sure after helping with thousands of kids get into their top choice schools:
Your kid can get into a great college as a whole, healthy human. And that’s the best approach.
Yes, they need to work hard and stretch beyond their comfort zone.
But they don’t have to sacrifice their wellbeing or their interests.
In fact, being allowed time to enjoy the things they’re naturally obsessed with — even the ones you think are frivolous — may be the key to them standing out on their college application.
Certainly more so than a perfect score on the SAT.
As I told Leila’s father, plenty of kids get perfect scores.
Deep down, your kid has something nobody else has.
A source of boundless enthusiasm, purpose, and fascination.
Make sure you give them time to find it.
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If you worry your teen is directionless, we’ll find out what makes them unique and what their best path could look like.
After a few sessions with an admission consultant, you’ll be on the same page about what they should prioritize throughout high school to ensure a successful college process.
You’ll finally be confident they’re doing all the right things to prepare for their future.
