“Sheila, you got into Harvard. Why didn’t my kid?”
I speak to a lot of parents who are comparing the admissions landscape of their youth with what kids face today.
They bristle at my advice and say things like, “Well, I worked really hard to get into a good school. Why shouldn’t my child be able to handle the pressure?”
And the problem is, things have changed a lot in the past 20 or 30 years.
When I got into Harvard, the acceptance rate was 13%.
Today it’s 3%. Out of a whopping 60,000 annual applications.
Demographics can also throw off the comparison.
I’m often explaining to parents how, back then, I was applying from a high school in a rural area that had only ever sent one other person to Harvard. That made me stand out.
Nowadays, if your kid goes to a well-resourced high school, they’ll be competing against applicants with similar backgrounds for even fewer spots at the Ivies.
And it’s not just the Ivies swept up in this sea change.
Across the board, tens of thousands of more people are applying to college — and submitting exponentially more applications.
It used to be the norm to apply to maybe 3 or 4 schools. Now, thanks to the new technology, it’s common to submit up to 10 or 15 applications. (I’ve seen the rare overarchiver send as many as 50!)
This is all to say: if we want to set our kids up for success, we have to update our frame of reference and accurately assess the odds.
Otherwise, you may fall into one of these 3 common traps:
- Overly focusing on standardized test scores and grades, at the expense of letting your kid develop unique strengths and interests that will stand out in a sea of strong GPAs and perfect scores.
- Being fixated on a specific school that seems like “the best,” even though your kid may not have the strengths, personality, or interests needed to truly thrive there — let alone be accepted.
- Applying to a highly competitive major like computer science, and not broadening your options beyond the Ivies — so you end up at a disappointing safety school with a poorly-resourced CS department — if one at all.
I understand why parents encourage these ambitions.
Particularly when you have an impressive college on your resume, it’s human nature to think, “If I could get into a good school, you can too.”
But again, if you want to make sure your kid isn’t crushed by this process:
Understand that admissions today are not competitive, they’re selective.
Once the threshold for academics is met, what admissions officers are selecting for is more intangible.
The good news?
Those intangibles are not a complete mystery.
In fact, I recently hosted an expert dialogue with real admissions officers from highly selective schools. And I invite you to watch or listen to the replay, free.
Click here to get this event in your inbox now.
You’ll walk away with a rare inside look at how applications are being processed, evaluated, and decided upon.
You may not have complete control over who reads your application and what their priorities are…
But you can tell a story that wins over the right people at the right schools for the right reasons.
And these insider insights will help you do just that.
Inside the Black Box: How College Apps are Evaluated in 2025
EXPERT DIALOGUE AND Q&A WITH REPS
from Selective Colleges
You’ll learn:
- How institutional priorities shape decisions and what that means for your kid
- The red flags & green flags officers look for so you can take control of your story
- Whether omitting test scores is in your best interest, and how to be seen for your strengths
